if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
