Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
