smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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