Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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