apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
