Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
