I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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