im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
