Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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