whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
