I just gift wrapped bread.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
