I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
