I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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