I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Bring me that man meat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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