just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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