I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
