Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
