I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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