No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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