drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
