I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
