you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
