I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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