So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
