Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
