i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
