I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
