The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
