shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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