and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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