found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
