theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
