Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
