I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
