So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
50% drunk capacity currently
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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