Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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