I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
