i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
