If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
