my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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