i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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