we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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