Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You ruined the universe
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