Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
