I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
try to milk me bitch
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