You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
