im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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