false alarm. still invincible.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
