I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
