I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
