I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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