D3 body, D1 cock
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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