your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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