God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
