You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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