I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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