So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
