do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
