I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
