if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You work out of a Hotel?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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