You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
