I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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