I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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