I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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