she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
