I wish my penis had an off switch
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
