would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize