David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just pee around me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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