she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dick very happy bro
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
